A Puppet Show To Remember
by SotF
Summary: Ever wonder why puppets aren't that common as ninja tools?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer & Notes:** This is meant to be amusing, I own none of the Naruto characters. This was inspired by MegasXLR, but so far I haven't really taken anything more than concept from it. This is meant as a parody of the standard mecha style stories.

For those who read this a bit ago, I'd selected the wrong version when editing it here for formatting. I apologize

* * *

**A Puppet Show To Remember**

**or**

**Why Naruto Isn't Allowed Puppets  
**

* * *

An odd grin crossed Naruto's lips as he watched the fight.

The puppet was interesting, and he, well, thought it would be cool to have one.

And with his usual obsessions, ideas trickled through his brain.

* * *

Two days later, the orange clad ninja stared at the remnants of yet another puppet.

He couldn't get it to work right as a separate thing in the fight, his attention just didn't work that way.

Perhaps something else would work, what if he only needed to control the puppet...

That just might work.

* * *

Well, that worked, except he needed to be able to defend himself at the same time.

Perhaps if he could be inside the puppet.

That definitely had possibilities.

* * *

Sarutobi was starting to get worried at the isolation Naruto had put himself in for the training.

Jiriaya had checked on him as a favor, and had managed to take a seal Orochimaru added to his successors work. However, both men were highly confused about the welding gear the kid had requested.

Naruto began to scavenge a few hundred gallons of orange and blue paint earlier in the day after looting just about everything he could from the scrapyard.

Just what had the boy gotten himself into this time?

* * *

Neji smirked as he saw his foe across the arena with an oversize storage scroll on his back.

He'd let the fool make the first move before teaching him a lesson, it was the fate of all who opposed the Hyuuga to fall.

The scroll opened and smoke flooded through the arena.

"What the hell," he managed to stammer when the ground shook with a massive tremor.

* * *

Sarutobi's pipe fell from his lips as he watched in stunned shock at the massive form now in the arena.

He blinked as if to wipe the illusion from his eyes, and heard the other kage mutter a Kai.

A giant metal figure stood there and its chest was sealing up, apparently with Naruto inside.

And the massive eyesore was a relatively close likeness to the boy, only made of metal and at least a hundred feet in height.

At least this was going to be a memorable day.

* * *

Sliding the various bands in place, the wires leading to the various limbs around him while holding him almost weightless there.

Naruto let his chakra flow through it, and let the feedback into his own system.

He could see and feel through the puppet, his moves were those of the puppet.

Turning the head to spot his stunned opponent.

* * *

Neji was ready to wet his pants at the sight of what he was up against.

But he was a Hyuuga, and it was his fate to win...

Then things changed again.

"Kage Bushin..."

And one skyscraper sized mechanical monstrosity became hundreds.

"Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me," Neji stammered.

"Prepare to lose," came the loudmouths voice through the thing before him as it threw an odd sign, "Believe it!"

"Screw this, I Quit!" the Hyuuga yelped as he took off running,

"Promotions not worth this shit!"

A loud and odd ding sounded causing all eyes to turn to the ref who then glanced at the bell he hadn't touched.

"Oh, not me," came the response as he snapped out of it as well and rang it.

"Yum," came Naruto's voice from inside the puppet, "The microwave finished the ramen!"


	2. Chapter 2

Jiriaya had to wonder just what god he had pissed off as he dove for cover.

He had known that the Akatsuki were after the kid and Sensei did want him to get the boy out of the village after that thing of his was

revealed.

And when he heard a rumor that the Legendary Sucker was in town, he'd been forced to look up his old friend.

The new attachments on the giant hunk of metal looked to much like Tsunade's friends dart throwers to comfort him.

* * *

"Itachi," Kisame snapped as another building came crashing down while the metal giant that looked far to much like their target walked through it towards them.

"Well," the Uchiha responded, "It has to be a summon, Samehada should be able to take it down rather easily if you can drain it."

"Sure," the shark faced man muttered, "You betcha."

He charged, bringing the massive blade down in a two handed strike that rung like a bell on impact.

"Itachi!" Kisame yelped as his hands began to ache, "This thing is definitely not a summon!"

* * *

Well, Naruto thought as he bit back a laugh at the idiot trying to chop a hole in the armor plating, they're using weapons, so I can as well.

A grin crossed his lips, the new toys would be nice to show off.

Shizune wouldn't tell him how her weapon worked, so he had to improvise.

Darts were to much of a hassle for the size, but luckily he had found a much more energetic choice.

* * *

Everyone stopped as an eerie music drifted across the battlefield.

"Who the hell is playing with a jack-in-the-box?" Itachi asked as the machine stopped before them.

And then a loud pop and hundreds of small hatches seemed to pop open and reveal something most of the Akatsuki had recently begun to have an awful lot of exposure to due to Diedara.

"Oh that just can't be good!"

* * *

"Believe this!" Naruto crowed as the rockets fired en mass at their targets.

The music was still something he was learning to live with, the junk yard did have a ton of the toys laying around and he wasn't quite sure how to time the launches together, but the idea had worked.

* * *

Jiriaya's eyes widened from his vantage point as a veritable wall of warheads poured into the part of town the two Akatsuki members were fleeing and winced.

The place had the best distillery on the continent as well.


	3. Chapter 3

Itachi dove for cover as a demented giants version of a chainsaw sliced through the cliff face.

The insanity just didn't seem to stop as soon as that Jinchuri got involved in something.

Diedara and Sasori both had taken off to find the new "artist" the moment they'd heard about him, and while it kept those two flipping psychotics out of trouble for a while, they had both apparently arrived at the same time as he and Kisame were ready to try nabbing another Jinchuri.

To make matters worse, his "allies" were trying to prove they were the best at their own fields.

Not to mention that the kid had apparently decided that even more upgrades were in order for that unholy abomination of his.

* * *

Where the hell had Naruto gotten his hands on a ninety foot chainsaw, Jiriaya wondered as he peeked out of a blast crater.

The bomb happy lunatic was flying around while the deranged puppet master had seemingly called forth a legion of puppets.

"We're all gonna die!" he heard the younger Uchiha mutter again and again as the desert shook violently.

"Look on the bright side," the toad sage chose to comment, "We aren't the target for either side, so death isn't likely."

The boy calmed slightly.

"Probably, we'll just get horribly maimed."

A whimper came forth as another explosion came, this time far closer than the last.

* * *

Pein stopped as pieces of dust dropped from the ceiling of the cavern and four members clones vanished.

He had left specific orders for no interruptions during the ceremony.

Another minor shake and he froze.

"That wasn't an earthquake," he commented while glancing at the others,

"It was an impact tremor."

"How do you know that?"

"Spend enough time around Diedara..."

* * *

Diedara blinked as he saw the thing raise a repeating crossbow to attack position.

"Aren't those the seals on explosive tags..." came the comment before a bolt the size of a tree came rocketing towards her.

"All right guys," he heard the voice of the pilot of the armor, "Time to get real."

A mad laugh as gears moved and a pair of hatches opened on the back.

"Let's do this, Kage Bushin!"

Hundreds of steel giants with machinery extending a series of pylons with tubes pointing skywards on each.

After hearing about his missile massacre, this could be an interesting thing to watch from a purely professional standpoint, he did want to see how much of the philosophy that art is bang the kid followed.

Thousands of massive rockets fired straight up.

"As they say," continued the voice, "My missiles will blot out the sun."

* * *

Kisame blinked as the weapons didn't explode, but seemed to disintegrate in the sky.

He let out a breath that he hadn't known he was holding.

Duds, and thus no shark paste spread across the area.

"Those are storage scrolls..." he heard Itachi gasp.

Flashes of smoke as each of the scrolls, at least a hundred or so from each rocket, activated to disgorge hundreds more rockets all heading downwards.

"Then we will flee in the shade..." Kisame muttered as he snatched his partner and ran as fast as his feet could carry him away from the abject lunatics.

* * *

Sasori grimaced as he watched the sands swirl towards him.

"Tidal wave?" he stammered, "Of sand..."

"In the desert?"

Running as fast as his little puppet legs could carry him may or may not be enough this time.

"Now that is art!" he heard the crow of the demolitions expert.

"My puppets..."

* * *

"Is it over?" Sakura managed to comment while digging herself out of the sand.

"Not yet," Kakashi added as another massive form seemed to come out of the ash cloud.

* * *

Yes, it had taken most of the remaining explosives to make, but Diedara was ecstatic.

For the first time, he was able to make real art.

* * *

Naruto had dismissed the clones after the launch, there was no real reason to let them be destroyed by his own attack when he'd be able to resummon them later.

A wide smile crossed his lips as the massive form of an opponent came out of the smoke cloud.

"Now to show this guy I'm serious!"

* * *

Pein glanced back towards where he had chained up the host of the one tail and blinked.

"Wasn't the jinchuri supposed to be there?"

"Look," yelled Konan from the entrance.

He blinked at the two figures facing off while a growing third raced to join the fight.

"Now that," he snarled, "Just can't be good!"

An odd language seemed to flow causing them all to look back at the Jashin worshiper who had apparently changed outfits and was praying fervently.

* * *

Orochimaru was relaxing.

The machine showing up at the exams had forced him to change plans, and he'd managed to merge Sound with Sand.

Honestly it was peaceful and he could relax with a cold drink and get caught up on Mad Scientists Quarterly.

He knew it wouldn't last.

It was to much like the reason why he'd started researching immortality to begin with.

The snake summoner had blown the lock off a door and Jiriaya had decided to out do him with an explosion.

That led to Tsunade topping that as he watched in horror.

Sarutobi had done nothing to stop the two psychotics as Jiriaya and Tsunade escalated the destruction in their competition, half the time with him caught in the crossfire.

He still had nightmares of the time Tsunade had elected to use a pheromone dispenser in that one and the dogs chasing him around for weeks.

God he hated dogs, and the Inuzuka...

A shadow passed over Sand, and he glanced up.

His martini fell to the brick work and shattered as one of the most feared men in the elemental countries whimpered.

* * *

"Bad Kankuro," Temari yelled, yanking the leash she'd been forced to attach to her more normal brother after he'd tried to hump the leg of Naruto's puppet.

"Sit!"

Her eyes widened as she saw Naruto's one standing to the north and Gaara's sand rising in the form of his demon to the southwest.

A third giant took the remaining direction.

"I said sit!"

* * *

"He destroyed my puppets!" Sasori snarled as he pulled out several scrolls.

He walked into Suna for the first time in years.

"Naruto Uzumaki," he roared, "You will die for this!"

* * *

"So the nine tails container is fighting the One Tail and Diedara..."

Pein managed to ask once his band managed to reach an overlook of Suna.

"Yeah," came Konans response.

"And Sasori unleashed a second army of puppets on the place..."

"Uh huh."

"And we now have a wanna be catholic priest rather than someone worshiping a god of slaughter?"

"Yep."

"We must be in hell."

* * *

Naruto paused to snatch a bowl of his precious ramen from the microwave when his puppet was hit and spilled the divine fluid.

Anger flooded through him as he turned towards the others.

* * *

"YOU DESTROYED MY RAMEN!"

An angry red aura danced around the machine forming several tails while people fled in all directions.

"I WILL KILL YOU!"

"Jiriaya," Kakshi asked from his observation point, "This isn't good, isn't it?"

"At least there isn't anything I really care about in Suna."

"Didn't your publisher move there?"

"Damn it!"

"Sensei," Sakura commented, "I don't think that is supposed to be possible..."

"Kids," he answered, "Do me a favor and don't look."

"Oh god," Jiriaya commented as a green pallor overtook his face, "That cannot be right."

* * *

"Your puppets, you are supposed to do what I say!" Sasori yelled when his puppets began to flee the area.

A pause.

"What?"

"How the hell did you unionize?"

* * *

Kyuubi laughed as he observed the world.

The darkness had held him to tight for a direct release of the pent up need to destroy.

However, while the pests had managed to trap him, he could still influence his host in some ways. A hint here and and idea there.

Now life was far from boring, the kid had to be a genius to make use of some of his ideas in one rampage after another.

Even if he did have a somewhat creepy and demented obsession over noodles...


	4. Chapter 4

Diedara still felt the occasional pain from the results of his first confrontation with Uzumaki.

After a bit of thought, surrounding yourself in multiple tons of highly explosive material wasn't really the best choice to fight a heavily

armed puppet armor.

Especially with the sand freak involved as well.

It had taken weeks to heal the scouring caused by the sand streams.

He still wasn't about to give up the position as top dog on the demolition circuit, and thus was forced to recruit help.

Sasori was all to happy to help create their own armor to deal with the annoying menace and his seemingly countless ways to destroy things.

They would out do the destruction, their reputations were at stake...

* * *

Naruto surveyed the damage to his toy after the fight with two other things about its size.

The right arm was missing from the elbow down, mainly from its placement when the walking bomb went sky high. Left leg was to gummed up by sand to move.

He shuddered at the thought of having to repair the back and the launchers.

Not to mention the wrecked microwave and torched ramen bin.

No, this puppet was done for, not worth the effort to repair.

Besides, he had been thinking up things for the Mark 2 for some time now, and this was just the excuse to build it.

Bigger, better, and far more powerful to boot.

The almost unholy cackle he let loose while retrieving the arc welder sent people for miles around scurrying home to bar the doors and shut the shades.

* * *

"Kabuto," Orochimaru stated as he turned towards his medic, "This insanity has gone on long enough."

"Yes sir."

"Find me a puppet master, I want to smash this pest myself!"

After all, he had heard that even his former comrades ran for the hills when the Kyuubi brats weapon was unleashed.

If his own abilities as they currently were was not up to the task, well there were always backup plans.

He tossed the file on the youngest Uchiha to the table and winced.

The pills were such a godsend.

* * *

"Well fuck," Ibiki muttered as he stared out at what was coming, "A giant metal snake."

He paused for a moment.

"Damn it, someone go get the kid."

A brief pause.

"And warn the repair teams to call in anyone they can think of."

* * *

Naruto growled as he stopped in the street.

He had just finished his new puppet and was going to Ichiraku's when a giant metal snake smashed it.

"Alright, that's it," he snarled, "Whoever hurt my Ramen is going to die!"

* * *

"Jiriaya," Tsunade commented, "That's not the same one he had in his last fight."

"Oh hell."

"What's with the gun with a glowing barrel?"

"Not a clue."

* * *

"For destroying the best ramen in the world," Naruto declared from the new puppet armor, "You will pay!"

The new frame wasn't much larger than the first, but after watching the exploding thing fly, well, he wanted to do that as well and had added wings.

* * *

"Why is their a giant metal angel in Konoha?" one of the students asked.

"Naruto," Iruka muttered to himself both as an answer and a comment of exasperation.

* * *

"Alright snake," he yelled, "Meet my new weapon!"

The glowing tip seemed to grow brighter in a somehow menacing way.

"I call it a Hellbore!"

Orochimaru thanked his lucky stars that summoning the gates worked to stop that thing from hitting.

The mile wide crater left at that point was still a terrifying concept.

"Alright brat," he snarled while flipping some switches, "Let us see what you can do about this."

The whirring gears and shifting armor as the snake transformed into a more standard puppet form.

Luckily he got the sword out in time to block a strike with the freaking chainsaw in sword form.

A roar and flash of fire was the only warning he got before his foe had gone airborne.

"No one told me that he could fly?"

* * *

So, the bastard has a defensive shield of some sort, well, that just meant that he'd need more power to deal with him.

Those who defile the sacred ramen must be dealt with!

The ringing tone caused an almost satanic smirk to cross his lips.

While the original rockets were devastating, his older armor was proof that it wasn't capable of destroying harder targets. While that was a design feature that let him get away with just bombarding the area, it also meant that against a target like what he was facing, something more potent was needed.

And a tracking system meant that the heavier choice was less random, not to mention able to rip through anything he could think of.

* * *

While Sarutobi was happy that two of his students had returned to Konoha, their influence on Naruto was fast becoming a problem.

He loved the kid much like he did his own grandson, but the boy lacked even the restraint that Jiriaiya and Tsunade had. And the new weaponry he'd developed had been just another step in the insanity of his thoughts.

The wings seemed to disgorge missiles, letting the contrails appear to be a simple expansion of the wings before each changed direction in the same instant to home in on its target, several even weaving through the streets with the speed and agility of a mongoose on crack.

* * *

Orochimaru was fast learning the maxim anyone in Konoha, not to mention anywhere else that Naruto Uzumaki spent time, that blond boy in his puppet armor is a volatile mix that adding explosives simply multiplies the damage.

Actually, he had learned that by the time the second mushroom cloud of the day occurred right where he had been moments earlier.

He was still busy thanking whatever hint of foresight convinced him to make the thing able to burrow.

His quick survey of the village forced his eyes even wider, only four buildings and the monument were still standing. The hospital, school, and tower were far enough away to be spared the effects of the blast when you factored in the other obstacles in the way, but the last confused him.

His balance was slipping as he glanced out a bit to far into the blast crater and noticed the sign as the building began to slide.

"Big...Obvious...Obliteration...Munitions..." he read out loud as the brats voice came back.

"If at first you don't succeed, try more and bigger missiles!"

And then another comment.

"And my Hellbore is recharged as well."

He paled, quite a feat for one of his pallor.

"Mommy!"

The serpent summoner had seen many things in his life, most of which was destructive on a scale civilians viewed as inconceivable.

He had also seen the thing that had finally convinced Sarutobi to reign in Jiriaya and Tsunade after she learned that the toad had nearly finished a jutsu designed to dissolve clothes.

Of course that was now something he could easily compare to a match strike after watching an ICBM coming straight for you.

"Well shit," he managed to stammer at the incoming waves of missiles and rockets from all three launcher types that had already been revealed as well as a pair of apparently larger ones that seemed to swing out and over the shoulders.

And that was without the damned canon the brat had cobbled together.

At times like this, he had a plan so ingrained in his psyche that no thought was need to start it.

He was, quite bravely if you asked him, fleeing the scene post haste.

* * *

"Damn," the demon vessel snapped as he watched the mecha snake flee the scene, "I've got a runner, now what to do."

He glanced over the weapon controls as if reading a checklist.

"Vaporize forest," a brief shrug, "Not at the moment."

"Summon Godzilla," a slight consideration, "Maybe later."

"Absolute Terror field..." a shake of the head, "Not in this lifetime."

"Ah here we go," he smiled while noticing another button, "Push in Case of Retreating Enemy..."

* * *

Neji gulped as he watched the massive rocket engines extend from the puppet.

"How the hell did those fit into that thing?" Ten-ten asked the rest of her team.

"This cannot be good," the Hyuuga stammered while starting to flee, a yellow stain already visible as it spread on his robe.

"Gai-sensei," Lee asked, "Are those pointing straight at us?"

"Run my youthful students!"

* * *

"Vengeance for Ichirakus!" Naruto roared as the winged armor was launched into fast pursuit with a bright flame trailing long behind.

* * *

"Wow," Ten-ten commented as she noticed the smoldering duo of Lee and Gai, "Their eyebrows actually are indestructible."

Neji just held out his hand while the now naked and bald, not to mention severely burnt ninjas collapsed to the ground.

She quickly slipped a few bills into her teammates hand.

"Gai-sensei," Lee managed to get out a moment later, "The crater is burning..."

The older ninja blinked before his apprentice continued.

"...With the FIRES of GLORIOUS YOUTH!"

* * *

Orochimaru glanced around and took a deep breath.

"He couldn't still be after me," came the stammering comment a moment later when his lungs had lost a tiny fraction of the burn.

A flashing light caught his attention.

"An impending doom warning," the pale man blinked, "I don't remember installing one of those..."

"...Wait a minute..."

He looked up.

"Oh yes," he stated slowly while closing his eyes, "The lunatic does know the shadow clone technique."

* * *

Diedara grinned as the new armor moved towards the village while Sasori readied himself to use the army they'd constructed to bring down their rival.

Of course, they still needed to test their new weapon system before going into battle with said nemesis, so they decided to try to recover an item the Akatsuki had been working towards getting for years.

So they prepared to enter Sound Village in order to take back the ring Orochimaru had, by force of sheer explosions.

The loud scream of terror drew both their eyes to the screaming metal snake thing running straight towards the village...followed by a wall of flame and explosions.

"The brat," both of them stated simultaneously while working out a new plan.

* * *

Orochimaru's snake skidded to a halt inside the village he'd started trying to think of anything that could be of use.

Diving for cover as another missile ripped a sign apart before glancing at the building he was hiding behind.

"Crap, munitions shed."

* * *

Sasori grinned maniacally as their attack began, thousands of puppets deployed from scattered scrolls all through the village while the two better armed ones he and Diedara were piloting moved in from behind.

His first indication that there may be a problem was when the newly winged puppet armor they were trying to destroy terminated eight of their army with a single shot, not to mention as many city blocks.

* * *

With the single hellbore working, Naruto figured that it ought to be just fine to reveal the other he'd made.

A hellbore for each hand, not to mention more missiles in such a perfectly target rich environment.

Total destruction, that was the only acceptable method of punishment he currently had available. After all, he couldn't exactly spend the few months it would take to complete the various forms of torture that would be preferable without having the time to find a decent ramen stand.

The puppet army was standing in the way of his righteous vengeance, leaving but one response while holding hellbores akimbo.

"Bring it!"

* * *

With enemies all around, Naruto chose another option and went upwards, letting the wings carry him high enough to observe the battlefield while spinning and firing both weapons at anything that he could see move.

"For those who dare get in the way of my vengeance," he snarled, "Face death!"

* * *

"Wow," was Diedara's only comment at the rain of death from above.

A brief pause in the mayhem created the easy sight of Orochimaru's armor, causing another plan to form.

The simple equation of Diedara being anywhere near an arsenal had a pretty predictable solution for any who knew him.

* * *

First Sand, and now Sound.

Orochimaru shuddered as the armor plating groaned under the pressure of tons of debris.

His cities now lay in ruins, parts of his handiwork lay where it fell on top of him while jackals and maniacs continued to heap insult upon explosion to their corpses.

With the coppery taste of his own blood filling his mouth, a twisted intoxication and draw of power as he began to laugh.

The summoner of serpents was not amused by his situation, but by the fact that there was little to do before he was ready to deal with his enemies.

He slipped another scroll from its place and grinned, perhaps his final defense against the two tormentors of his youth would finally have a worthy challenge.

While he'd had Manda as his summon of choice since his youth, he had searched for something capable of dealing with his foes, and had eventually found it once upon a darkened night.

"The shadow falls," he laughed while unfurling the scroll.

* * *

"Is that the best you've got?" Naruto challenged as the last of the puppets fell with blasts from the hellbores.

Then the ground began to quake.

It was big, and hideous in appearance with an odd purple and green coloration while towering over the ruins of the ninja village.

A webbed foot smashing a building with ease while eyes of pure malice and hate glared at the armored formes before it.

"So is the fifteen-story tall, mutant platypus yours?" Naruto asked while blinking.

"No," Sasori responded with a similar blink, "I thought it was either yours or we need to figure out who's spiking the water supply with LSD."

* * *

Orochimaru laughed from his perch atop his ultimate weapon while observing the obvious confusion and disarray in his enemies ranks.

Of course the mad scientist completely missed the fact that those looks of confusion was not due to the intended intimidation factor of the summon, but for reasons that soon became quite apparent.

Three other beings added their laughter to the mix causing him to wince.

Why were they laughing at him?

* * *

"Okay," Naruto finally managed to say as he flipped a switch, "Time for plan B."

"Plan B?" he heard his opponents comment.

"Boom," came the response while pressing a newly lighted button.

* * *

In Konoha, people were just starting to return from the bunkers and other places of hiding they had for occasions when Naruto chose to show off.

Like rats they scurried back as an alarm began to sound, harsh and loud, while four flashing, crimson lights mounted on pillars rose as the corners of a square.

A deep grinding noise heralded an earthquake while the center seemed to part and reveal a gaping chasm that scarred the earth with a perfect circle of steel and cement while a white pillar of painted metal.

"Now that," Danzo stammered as the remains of his office plunged into the depths beside the revealed device, "Can't be good."

"Warning," came a metallic and strangely female voice from speakers hidden down below, "Launch sequence has been initiated, please clear the area."

The engulfing roar and plumes of smoke and flame that rose up and engulfed the crevasse was enough to send even the aging warhawk fleeing the scene.

* * *

_Glancing down Naruto watched the status screen._

_System Check Complete_

_Positioning Systems: 100%_

_Stores: 100%_

_Targeting: active_

_Mjolnir operational..._

_Awaiting commands..._

_Have a nice day commander_

He grinned as the high pitched beeping signaled readiness.

And readied a shot.

* * *

The orbital weapon received its commands and powered up the targeting system, letting the emerald beam burn downwards.

* * *

Sasori blinked as a constant energy stream sliced through the debris as a hot knife through warm butter while setting the remainder aflame.

"Diedara," he commented, "I think we may be in trouble!"

* * *

_Unknown Biological Entity selected._

_Target lock Aquired_

_MJOLNIR prepared for firing_

_Have a nice day commander._

* * *

"Fire!"

* * *

_MJOLNIR firing confirmation acquired_

_Target verified_

_Commence Attack_

_Have a nice day commander..._

* * *

Naruto reactivated the thrusters and flight systems in an instant, sending himself away as fast as he could move.

The sight of the brain child of several hundred clones on a night deprived of ramen had led to this weapon systems design.

A glance into the rearview mirrors caught a large streak of flame with the appearance of a meteor as it descended from the heavens.

The ammunition was the key to its use, a four story long and nine foot diameter pillar of tungsten engraved with heat activated seals and break away sections releasing a mix of powdered substances that would ignite upon contact with air or water. Sealed inside was a mix of seals designed to fail when broken upon impact mixing various other chemicals into a chakra charged cocktail designed for maximum penetration and destructive potential.

The impact itself was hailed with a bright flash visible even as far away as Sea Country followed by a pillar of flame miles high that kissed the edges of the atmosphere before raining dust and debris for miles around it, only the specifics of the seals preventing the devastation from spreading farther.

An instant later the targeting laser lashed out for an instant before fading, its job finished.

* * *

Orochimaru was screaming as he rocketed higher, having managed to shield himself from the brunt with the gates while being launched miles up.

Around the bubbling caldera of what had once been the Village Hidden by Sound a beautifully engraved inscription was now clearly visible.

Have a nice day.

* * *

Sasori groaned as he put out the smoking leg while sitting atop one of his reserve puppets as he flew alongside Diedaras bomb bird.

"How the hell do we top this?"

* * *

_Target destruction confirmed_

_Power down commencing_

_Have a nice day commander._

* * *

"Milord," the officer stated nervously as he approached his commander.

"I requested not to be disturbed."

The angry annoyance was audible in the harsh tone used causing the intruding officer to visibly flinch and fiddle with his collar.

"Yes, but I believe you would want to see this as soon as possible," the being stated quickly as he held out a holodisk.

A moments pause as the shadowed form of the other observed the recording.

"How is it that such a pathetic planet developed an orbital weapon?"

"Unknown sir," came the response, "The remote sensors could only identify a small portion of the energy used, and the effects of such a weapon speak of a danger that is readily apparent."

"Captain," came the growl of the other, "Change course, I want to deal with whatever race could create such a weapon before they can challenge my Empire."

"Yes sir."

"Then be on your way, I will need to think on the glory that is to come."

"As you wish."

* * *

In Konoha, there were few things that were enough to even raise an eyebrow.

Hell, it would take a miracle to surprise these now jaded beings as they had been stuck living with the greatest source of rampant insanity and lack of common sense this side of Tim Taylor and just before Chthulu.

In most cities, the arrival of an alien army, or well any army, perhaps even a small band of armed miscreants, would be a cause for panic and alarm.

However, as before, this is Konoha.

The people just smiled and nodded while giving directions towards the current machine shop occupied by one Naruto Uzumaki. Even stopping to warn them to lead with their geigercounters just to be on the safe side.

After all, the reptilian beings inside mechas looked like they already had enough image problems without risking them growing a third (or fourth or fifth) eye or ear.

Then as the heavily armed force moved off against their foe, they, almost as one, gave a short prayer for the souls of the newly damned.


End file.
